Month: May 2021

Why a Sex Journal Might Be Right for You

These days, however, you might choose up journals for other factors. There’s one journaling topic you might not hear about as typically: sex.

“Journaling about sex can add a layer of mindfulness to your sex life,” states Shadeen Francis, L.M.F.T., a therapist who specializes in sex therapy and psychological intelligence. If you’re open to the procedure, a sex journal can help you reflect on your desires, experiences, and fantasies.

1. A sex journal can assist you process your experiences.

“Journaling, for so long, has actually been used as a restorative method to help individuals reflect on their thoughts and their sensations,” says Madeline Cooper, L.C.S.W., a sex therapist who sees both people and couples. No matter what your sex life looks like, a sex journal can help you process it.

2. You might discover more about your libido.

With a sex journal, you can check out both how sex feels for you and why you’re doing it. “In some cases sex can be this thing people do just to get it over with or since they feel they need to have sex to be a great partner,” Hochberger says, adding that a routine journaling practice allows you to slow down and end up being more aware of your motivations.

Tracking your sex life can also assist you see patterns that might influence how, when, or why you desire (or don’t want) sex. Perhaps you’re actually horny the week before your duration starts, or maybe sex hurts at that point of your cycle. Perhaps slow, sensual sex makes you feel connected with your partner. Or perhaps you feel closest to them when the sex is rough. Keeping an eye on what occurs and how you feel throughout sex can make these patterns clearer.

3. Sex journaling might make it much easier to interact with partners.

Sex can be a packed discussion subject for partnered people, states Pamela Happiness, M.A., a therapy psychologist and Somatica Institute– certified sex and relationship coach. Some of the most mind-blowing conversations for couples who go to sex therapy include what they did or didn’t like about their newest encounters. This isn’t unexpected. There’s considerable societal pressure, especially for cis ladies who have sex with cis males, to be coy about sex. Fear around injuring a partner’s feelings can keep couples from being open about their likes and dislikes too. “I often discover that without that talk, they would never ever really know what about their sex was interesting or enjoyable,” Happiness states.

Whether you prepare to share it with your partners or not, writing a sex journal gets that discussion began. If you understand what you like (and do not like) throughout sex, you’ll have an easier time discussing it.

“Journaling about sex can add a layer of mindfulness to your sex life,” states Shadeen Francis, L.M.F.T., a therapist who specializes in sex treatment and emotional intelligence. No matter what your sex life looks like, a sex journal can help you process it.
Tracking your sex life can likewise assist you see patterns that might affect how, when, or why you desire (or do not desire) sex. Sex can be a loaded discussion subject for partnered people, states Pamela Pleasure, M.A., a therapy psychologist and Somatica Institute– licensed sex and relationship coach. There’s considerable societal pressure, specifically for cis ladies who have sex with cis males, to be coy about sex.

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3 Min Read
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15 First-Time Anal Sex Tips: A Guide on How to Do Anal

If you’re thinking about having anal sex for the first time, you’re probably questioning how to do anal– how do you prepare, unwind, and delight in the intimate moment with your partner?

It’s a question that’s becoming more common. According to the most recent research from the Kinsey Institute, more young women than ever– 45 percent– are exploring anal play.

To address your novice anal sex questions, we called in the specialists: Rachel Needle, Psy.D., a certified psychologist and certified sex therapist, and Tristan Taormino, author of The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Ladies.

We asked for their top anal sex pointers to take the stress of first-time anal sex.

1. Unwind your mind … and body

The last thing you desire to be prior to attempting anal penetration (or anal stimulation) is tense. If this is your very first time trying anal sex, invest some time relaxing– take a hot bath, ask your partner to offer you a sensual massage, heck, you can even meditate. To prepare for anal sex, you can likewise focus on particularly unwinding your the muscles of your anal sphincter.

2. Interact freely

Figuring out how to do anal sex with your partner stars with communication. “Talk about it. Just like all types of sex, anal sex is something that should be discussed ahead of time,” says Needle. “Communicate your worries and expectations with your partner, and ensure that you are both on the same page about things like speed, depth, and so on. Trust me, this is one location in which you do NOT desire any surprises.”

3. Establish Borders

Throughout the experience, it is your task to take notice of what you are feeling, and interact this to your partner. Let them know if something feels agonizing or uneasy.

You may select to develop a safe word to let your partner know you’re not comfy moving on or that you want to move a little slower.

4. Lather up

” Many women’s fear of newbie anal sex stems from a worry of what goes on back there (naturally) and how that’s going to play into the action,” says Needle. “To cleanse yourself (actually) of such mental obstructions, take a nice, steamy shower initially.”

5. Engage in plenty of foreplay

Among the best ways to ease into anal play is to make certain you’re very excited in advance. “The number-one error people make is hurrying,” says Taormino. Start with foreplay, vaginal sex, anything that turns you on. (Being a couple of orgasms deep prior to you attempt any anal penetration helps.) “The more excited you are, the more relaxed your sphincter muscle will be, and that’s going to produce a hotter and much easier experience,” she states.

6. Utilize a great deal of lubrication

The key to really enjoying anal sex? Lube, lube, and more lube. Unlike the vagina, the rectum does not produce its own lube. The more lube you utilize, the more enjoyable and comfy anal sex can be, describes Needle. Don’t forget to make certain you are utilizing a condom-safe, water or silicone-based lubricant (oil-based lubricants aren’t suitable with condoms). Don’t be afraid to reapply regularly. More lube equates to much better anal sex constantly.

7. Presume the ideal position

For newbie anal sex, the receiver (aka whichever partner is being permeated) ought to be the one to control the depth and speed of penetration. The optimal position to allow you to do that is you on top, which offers you complete control of simply how quick and deep you go.

8. Take it slow

No matter just how much lube you use, your backdoor is not a water slide. Newbie anal sex should be approached like entering an actually hot bath tub. First you evaluate the waters during foreplay, permitting your partner to carefully rub around the opening with their finger, prior to try out actually placing anything. Whether you’re utilizing a penis, a finger, or a toy, begin slowly with simply the pointer before inserting anything any much deeper.

9. Attempt a toy

Utilizing a small dildo or anal plug can be a terrific method to relieve into things. The key here is to be mild and communicate. Speak up if at any point things get too unpleasant.

10. Don’t cross pollinate

Whether it’s a finger, a toy, or a penis, make certain to never go from butt to vaginal area– it’s a UTI waiting to occur. If you wish to switch to vaginal stimulation after anal play, hop in the shower to keep the action going or keep a tub of child wipes on your nightstand to sanitize in between.

11. Keep in mind to breathe

In those very first couple of moments of penetration, the pressure tends to trigger ladies to hold their breath. It may feel like you have to go to the bathroom at first, however just go with it.

12. Speak out about discomfort.

Novice anal play will be full of brand-new experiences, some odd, some remarkable. If at any point during the action, penetration ends up being painful, let your partner understand right away.

13. Utilize a condom

Even if there’s no threat of getting pregnant, does not indicate you can skip the prophylactic– they’re the only method to prevent sexually transferred infections. Just don’t go from anal to vaginal penetration with the very same prophylactic as that can spread out infections. Ditch the condom and place on a brand-new one prior to penetrating the vaginal area.

14. Don’t forget vaginal stimulation

There are numerous shared nerve endings between the walls of the vaginal area and the anus, so stimulating the vagina at the same time can be incredibly enjoyable. If you feel comfy, insert something (possibly a vibrator or a finger) into your vaginal area while you are engaging in anal play.

15. Change things up

As you get more comfortable with anal sex with a partner you trust, you can explore different positions. Doggy-style position permits your partner easy entry but likewise puts them in complete control, which may not be the finest for your very first time.

If you feel discomfort at any point, have your partner ease up, stop, or switch positions.

16. Don’t stress over it

Remember that there’s no right or incorrect answer if you questioning when is the right time to engage in novice anal sex. For some women, anal sex is a no-go and for others it’s a possibility. In any case is a-okay.

The last thing you desire to be before attempting anal penetration (or anal stimulation) is tense. If this is your very first time trying anal sex, spend some time relaxing– take a hot bath, ask your partner to give you a sensual massage, heck, you can even meditate. To prepare for anal sex, you can also focus on particularly unwinding your the muscles of your anal sphincter. Figuring out how to do anal sex with your partner stars with communication. As you get more comfortable with anal sex with a partner you trust, you can explore various positions.

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6 Min Read
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Is Using Coconut Oil as Lube Safe?

You have actually utilized coconut oil for your skin, your hair, and your coffee. Is using coconut oil as lube an excellent idea?

In the video, coconut oil is put into a kettle, warmed, and then poured– a smart if not slightly frightening hack. (It needs to go without stating that you need to never pour hot oil of any kind onto your body, especially the most delicate locations of your skin.

TikTok patterns aside, coconut oil does frequently come up as a natural-lube option. Vaginal dryness can arise from a number of things, whatever from a yeast infection to menopause, the latter of which decreases the body’s estrogen levels. “Estrogen is the hormone that is accountable for supplying more blood circulation to the vaginal area, making it more flexible,” says Shari Martin Lawson, M.D., department director of basic obstetrics and gynecology at John Hopkins Medication. The absence of fluids down there can make intercourse unpleasant, even uncomfortable, while being psychologically aggravating. This is where lubricants can be your friend.

Fortunately is that are lots of lubricants for ladies on the marketplace for ladies to explore, in addition to topicals that your physician might prescribe. But for ladies looking for an all-natural (and wallet-friendly) alternative, heading to the cooking area for a container of coconut oil is a compelling concept.
Is coconut oil safe for lube?

Drawn out from mature coconuts, coconut oil is rich in saturated fats. These fats, most of which are comprised of lauric acid, are what trigger it to thicken up and turn strong at room temperature levels and melt into a slippery liquid when it heats up on your skin. It’s basically accepted that the oil resembles the OG Dr. Bronner’s all-in-one, however how does it element as a natural lube?

” I advise coconut oil for choose patients of mine, and it is absolutely safe to utilize as a lubricant,” states Lawson. (In addition to coconut oil, extra-virgin olive makes a fantastic natural lube too.).

If your vaginal dryness is related to a health condition, a natural option like coconut oil can be an especially good concept. States Lawson, “We usually will suggest that patients use topical estrogen, however there are some clients, in particular clients that have estrogen-sensitive cancers– most commonly breast cancer– that can’t use or pick not to utilize estrogen.”.

Not all coconut oils are created equal nevertheless, so it’s important to be conscious of which one you’re picking up when it pertains to utilizing it as a lube. You’ll want to ensure you’re grabbing a food-grade type that is free from any additives or preservatives, says Lawson. “I discover that people get a lot of irritation, in general, when they use fragranced soaps and body cleans in the vulva and vaginal locations.”.

To keep the jar as sterilized as possible, simply add a sexy-time spoon (our words) “to take a few of it out of the container and it will warm up in your hands and melt at your body temperature,” Lawson says. You can keep the oil in a cupboard or cabinet, where it should be “shelf-stable for a minimum of 6 to 12 months.” Of course, expiration dates are great to remember, however trust your senses: If there’s a strong odor coming from the oil, it’s probably best to toss it.
Benefits of using coconut oil as lube.

Part of what makes coconut oil so appealing is its adaptability– you can lather it on your skin postshower for a luminescent glow or work some of the strong into your hair for an intensely moisturizing over night mask. Even much better, “it’s easy to come by and is cost-efficient,” says Banafsheh Kashani, M.D., a reproductive endocrinology and infertility specialist.

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Because coconut oil remains smooth and operates as a moisturizer, it can boost vaginal stimulation by creating less friction. “Over time, silicone-based or water-based lubes can get sticky or ugly,” states Lawson, which don’t really work together with getting in the state of mind.

Kashani adds that while some lubes can modify the acidity levels of the vaginal area, which can result in another mood kill– yeast infections– the pH of coconut oil practically perfectly mirrors the vaginal pH, so adverse effects are uncommon.
Risks of using coconut oil as lube.

When it comes to using the oil for lube, there are some watch-outs. First of all, you must avoid latex prophylactics, states Lawson: “The oil can cause the latex rubber in prophylactics to break and disintegrate during intercourse, which can put you at risk for pregnancy or sexually transferred infections.”.

For those looking to develop, there’s still an absence of details on whether coconut oil does more harm than great. “I usually recommend my clients who are trying to conceive to avoid utilizing coconut oil as a lube,” says Kashani. “There are some little research studies in animal designs that demonstrate sperm can not swim too through this type of lube since it is oil-based.”.

If you remain in the marketplace for “fertility-friendly” lubes, she suggests Pre-Seed, which is much more pH-balanced than the oil.

There you have it, coconut oil is absolutely safe to utilize as a stand-in or full-on replacement for your more familiar water-based lubes. Grocery runs all of a sudden feel a lot more stimulating.

In the vid, coconut oil is poured into a kettle, heated, and then put– a clever if not slightly frightening hack. TikTok patterns aside, coconut oil does often come up as a natural-lube option. Drawn out from fully grown coconuts, coconut oil is rich in saturated fats. For those looking to conceive, there’s still a lack of information on whether coconut oil does more harm than good. “I usually encourage my clients who are attempting to conceive to avoid utilizing coconut oil as a lube,” states Kashani.

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5 Min Read
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